When we begin a journey, we’re excited. We pack our suitcase, imagining the moments to come. The thrill of our destination courses through us, spurring us on. We begin with high hopes for what we’ll encounter.
Recently, I went to France—first to Paris, then Lyon and the southern mountains where Cezanne and Van Gogh used to paint. It was of course a wonderful trip—the vision of the Eiffel Tower even better than my imagination, but there were challenges—the suitcase was too heavy to lift up stairs, the Metro was stuffed with TONS of people, and I got lost hundreds of times on tiny country lanes. There were moments of being exhausted, and others of being exhilarated. But the images I had when I packed my suitcase changed. The real journey was different, and it changed me.
So it is when we write a memoir. We begin putting in our suitcase the memories, people and events that we are eager to celebrate and remember. Even if our story is a dark one, we have a handle on it, we’ve been journaling and we know the basics of the story. We launch into our writing eagerly, capturing images and moments, freely writing, remembering and even doing research. We even feel brave enough to tell people we’re writing a book!
Then something happens. The doubts creep in, “I’m not sure what I wrote is the real truth. My sister says I made things up.” Or, “Gee, I don’t want to reveal x and y and z. It’s too personal. I don’t want people knowing all these things about me.” Or you read a bunch of other memoirs and realize that you can’t write all that well, you feel that it’s really too big a job, this memoir project. You decide to put it away for a while.
There’s another scenario: You’re starting to remember things, memories you thought you’d handled, you begin to reflect on the past in a new way, and start to write about it, but you feel sad, depressed or angry. You try to put it all aside, but you can’t. The writing doesn’t work. You are stuck in the middle of your book, you feel conflicted. You put the project away.
This is all good news. I know, it doesn’t sound like good news to you. You just want to get your memoir done, you want to brush away the doubts.
The good news is that you are in the middle of your memoir journey, and you’re doing fine. There are three major stages in writing a memoir. The first is the eager beginning, “downloading” as Jennifer Lauck calls it. Then the muddy middle, where themes, stories, and memories begin to build up into a larger story, one that you don’t have control of. The muddy middle is the biggest part of the journey, by the way.
The later stage is where you have found your stride, the journey has changed you, and you are grateful for the riches. It is not the same journey you imagined. You are different. The muddy middle becomes your teacher, your mentor. As Dr. James Pennebaker says, “Story is a way of knowledge.”
Some tips for your trip:
1. Accept that writing your memoir is a longer journey than you imagined. Be patient.
2. Take good care of yourself on the journey. Rest, set a schedule, make a map.
3. Allow the writing process to guide you, allow in the unwanted stories, images, and memories. They have something to teach you.
4. Trust in your creative muse, the excitement you felt when you began your journey. Allow it to urge you forward.
5. Invite your unconscious to help you write and remember.
6. Know that you will write the same story over and over again, but in a new way. Know that you will find the muddy middle, that you will get stuck and lost, but keep going.
7. You will find your way out of the muddy middle if you just keep writing!
Learn more about the trip at the National Association of Memoir Writers Telesummit—FREE all day phone conference on October 21. You get the audio of the whole day if you sign up! Learn from the journey of other memoir writers.
Having recently completed my memoir I can certainly attest to the fact that it has been a journey. It has been exhausting, frustrating, gratifying, and perhaps most of all a journey of learning. I’ve learned more about myself than I could have imagined when I started down this path over three years ago. As you’ve said, Linda Joy, when you find your stride you will find you have been changed by the journey. I think everyone should write their memoir if only for this reason!
Thanks Linda for telling others how it is. I think hearing about the journey from many different points of view helps all of us feel a sense of comaraderie as we wind down the road toward “The End.”
Best of luck for the journey your memoir will take as it moves out into the world!
Linda Joy,
This is exactly what writing a memoir feels like- a journey with specific stages. I can see myself in every one of these stages as I plod forward,sometimes going back and forth in my quest to honor my story. Somehow acknowledging these different stages helps to put it all into perspective. Mired in the “muddy middle”‘, there is hope in working my way out if I remain patient and just keep writing.
@Linda Hoye , How inspiring to hear your progress through your personal memoir writing journey. it gives me hope in my own journey. Isn’t it amazing how much we can gain from sharing our stories and journeys of learning? And I agree
everyone should write their memoir for all the reasons listed.
Thank you both for enlightening and encouraging me to keep moving forward!
Blessings,
Kathy
Yes, Kathy–I do think that we circle around many times as we feel our progress, then sink back into “now, why am I writing this?” and then into the thrill of new skills with language, a sense of accomplishment, that good feeling we get when we have captured the story we were trying to put into words.
Writing is the way out of the “muddy middle!” Keep going, and enjoy the trip as much as possible!
Thanks for this very encouraging post.For the last three months, I’ve been living the material for a memoir that is evolving one day at a time. It’s hard to see the whole story, much less the outcome will be his, mine, or ours. But I’m enjoying the journey of my experience of finding my first true love at 62, and part of me wants the world to know that it’s never too late to start finding your bliss.
Linda Joy, I know your book and advice will be helpful if I decide to write this one.
Lynn
http://www.writeradvice.com
Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers
Wow, Lynn. I love your post–and thanks for the clue about it never being too late to find love and bliss. I agree completely and of course wish you the best! It’s interesting the way you talk about living your story and at the same time imagining how you might write it, even if you don’t know all the chapters or the plot! Great way to live, fully in the moment while reflecting too. That’s what journaling is all about–two levels at once.
Best of luck and keep me posted on this story!
Wonderful post! Wish I could click a Facebook badge here and share it instantly! xxoo
Never mind – I found the badge, and just shared it. Wonderful stuff, Linda!
Linda, you have got this down perfectly! And I love the suitcase imagery.
It’s the muddy middle of all writing that gets us down and makes us question the project and ourselves for ever starting. The trick is to keep slogging.