Memoir Writing — A Creative Path to Self Awareness

 

Writing stories heals body and soul, and is a powerful way to change our perspective about the past. Not only that, it’s a creative way to learn about yourself. Dr. James Pennebaker and Joshua Smith published the first research on writing as a way to heal and recover from past injuries in the Journal of the American Medicine Association in 1999. Pennebaker states that writing stories is even more healing than journaling, and helps to heal asthma, arthritis, and chronic fatigue syndrome. Dr. Pennebaker’s site has a lot of articles about writing, healing, and the benefits of using certain language as a means for healing. Though we all have sensed that writing allows self expression and opens up awareness about our life, the research is a powerful testament to the power of words and story to create change.

For most of us, it’s easy and fun to write good memories, but most people have negative memories that linger and need release–the death of a loved one, depression, illness, or  anxieties because of family dysfunction or various kinds of abuse. Society seems to try to get us to forget the past, but traumatic memories do not go away by will power alone, or even years of therapy. The ways we try to escape–through alcohol or addictions, for instance–only makes us more alienated from ourselves. Traumatic images and reactions disappear underground for a time, only to reappear when triggered by an event in current time–often called flashbacks. But these incidents can be healed through writing–and rewriting. Sometimes the same event needs to be written about many times in order to be released.

Traumatic memories are stored in the brain in a different way than regular memories, but research continues to show that writing allows a new kind of processing to occur.

When you integrate the memories into your regular memory, you can move into a present and future renewed and with more energy–the pain of the past is put into perspective–perhaps not forgotten, but no longer seeming like an immediate and current injury.

Writing a story is different from journaling. When we journal, we spill out whatever we are feeling in a random way, and it doesn’t matter how we write it. Writing a story requires that we  choose its shape and focus. This structuring and choice about scenes, dialogue, and characters opens up a creative space where writing can work its magic, where something new is created. Where we encounter the unknown. Pennebaker says, “Story is a way of knowledge.” We learn about ourselves throught writing story.

And there’s another exciting aspect to story writing in memoir: you are both the narrator and a “character” in the story. The narrator choosing what to write as an objective observer helps us to witness our younger self, and reveals a new perspective on the past. We weave a new place in the “now.”

In my book The Power of Memoir, I present an 8 step pathway to write a memoir–from researching your past to character studies, using turning points and the timeline to sort through your memories, and techniques of story structure. The research by Pennebaker and others is presented–and it’s quite exciting stuff. Writing really does help to heal physically–several writers I know with arthritis have improved functioning after writing for a few months, telling their truths, freeing themselves from the past.

The upcoming webinar at Writer’s Digest I’ll be offering a whole course in memoir writing in 90 minutes–which includes a recording, the live webinar, Q&A, and free critique. It will include techniques for writing freely and quickly, taming the inner critic, creating the arc of the narrative, writing powerful scenes, and much more.

Tips for writing a memoir:

  1. Make a list of the ten most important turning points in your life. Then choose a story from each one and write a new story each week.
  2. Write a list of the critic voices –either your inner critic or the voices of family or friends.
  3. Put the worry-critic list aside and begin writing using the turning point list.
  4. Capture your stories in vignette form without worrying about chronological order.
  5. Use photos to spark your memories. Think about what happened before and after each picture and describe the photo in detail.
  6. Create a sacred-space around you while you are writing. Don’t share your stories with anyone for a while. Protect them as if they were tiny plants in your garden.
  7. Write in the “I” voice in present tense for maximum intensity and immediacy.
  8. If you write in the past tense, you can easily move back and forth through time–using reflection as a way to create perspective.
  9. Think about your themes–asking “what is this about? What important message to I want to share with others?”
  10. List 5 things a reader will take away when they read your memoir.
  11. Create a writing schedule –writing 500 words–two pages–per day gives you a whole book in six months.
  12. Meditate on a mountain pool in France–see the above photograph. Linger in the reflections and start writing!

Memoir Writing: 5 Priorities and 3 Tips

 

In the Year of the Memoir, you have to juggle a lot of things: writing, combing through layers of history and thinking about your audience. So keep a few things in mind as you continue your memoir journey. 

 

 

  1. Muse and gather the threads of thought and memory that will weave into your memoir. Take notes and keep a notebook of your insights and mini-stories.
  2. Research your story in family Bibles, ancestry.com, and journals. Gather and label your findings for easy access later.
  3. Interview friends and family to patch memory holes. It doesn’t have to be “dueling memories.” Just find out what they remember, and marvel at the way memory works.
  4. Write regularly–several times a week–500 words. Bit by bit, you build your manuscript.
  5. Build your audience and connections–known as “platform” through social media and blogging. Just start small, and only do what feels right. Gradually you will build your audience.

Tips:

  1. I discovered that writing 500 words at a sitting is doable. How many words do you write? Give yourself permission to freewrite a “messy first draft.”
  2. I’m having fun on ancestry.com and learning where people came from on my father’s side of the family–the Netherlands in 1620! Research is part of the writing process, so take notes at family gatherings and see if you can tape some of the stories.

       3. Does “social media” freak you out? It really can be fun and NOT a time drain–if you  know how to think about it and do it efficiently.

 Join us Friday for our National Association of Memoir Writers Member Teleseminar with Beth Barany. She’s a lot of fun and has some great hints on how to get a handle on social media without losing your mind–or your writing time. Read her wisdom and suggestions on her NAMW blog post.

Beth Barany is the author of The Writer’s Adventure Guide: 12 Stages to Writing Your Book, and the bestselling Overcome Writer’s Block and runs an
active online community for authors who use journaling for self-development.

Connect with Beth Barany  on Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn.

These member teleseminars are free monthly benefits for NAMW members. Here are just a few of our membership benefits: 

  • Free downloadable recordings of the Free LIVE Monthly Teleseminars  
  • Special Member Discounts for Workshops, Online Classes, and Webinars
  • Access & Post Your Stories and Writing Samples in the NAMW Cafe Blog
  • A PDF download of The NAMW E-book: Memoir Writing as a Healing Journey by yours truly…and more!

 Be sure to join Twitter or Facebook if you haven’t already. Learn about the world of social media, but don’t let it keep you from your writing! Keep building your memoir in the Year of the Memoir!

 

Memoir Writing Tips in the Huffington Post

Victoria Costello has written an amazing memoir A Lethal Inheritance. She is a mother, a scientist, a veteran of research, and a great writer, with a passion in her belly for uncovering layers of confusion and prejudice. She traces the history of mental illness in her family, exposing layers of secrets, losses, and coverups that do nothing but perpetuate patterns that need to be broken so that current generations can be saved.

Be sure to read her book. But first read the Huffington Post article for February 17–where she highlights the lessons offered by several memoirists–from Stephen King to Adair Lara to me–tips of wisdom about writing, digging into your history, about stirring the pot of complacency to write a memoir that is meaningful, healing, and unforgettable.

“No matter what the secret or hidden tragedy, a memoirist whose story is multi-generational must be prepared to dig through many layers of silence, obfuscation and sometimes outright lies to get at the truth, and tell her story.”

Don’t let the idea that traumas and dark plots need time to grow a perspective  stop you from writing! Get out your journal, write scenes, write stories about what bugs you and makes you mad, about things you love, about people you miss, gardens you tend, pets you live with. Write and write, but know that writing is a skill that builds, and perspective is something that takes times. In the meantime, practice your craft.

Thanks to Victoria for including me and a quote from The Power of Memoir. ”the verb “re-member” means to bring together different parts of oneself to become whole.” Every writer I know is piecing together the quilt of their lives as they write their memoir–bringing together memories, moments, histories, dreams, hopes, and loved ones into a world of story.

Remember, this is the Year of the Memoir! How’s yours?

 

Writing a Memoir—Your Journey Into Memory

Writing a memoir means exploring who we are and where we came from, entering the unknown on our journey and discovering ourselves. We strike out for the gold of truth and honesty, as we explore the spiritual journey that leads us away from known territory deeper into who we are. We use the tools of memory, creativity, and writing.

To find the road and have a focus I use the technique called “turning points.” These are the most important moments of your life, when nothing remained the same after the event. It might be meeting a new person, moving away from your home town, encountering danger, an accident, an illness, or receiving an award or a scholarship, losing a loved one to death, a natural disaster, a birth. Falling in love.

Dorothy Allison, author of Bastard Out of Carolina, says to write “Where the fear is, where the heat is.” That invited us to delve into the heart of our stories, of the high and low points in our lives. Emotion and memory guide us into our journey toward truth and honesty. Judith Barrington says that the memoirist, “Whispers into the ear of the reader.” When we read a memoir, we feel that we are being invited into the secret heart of a person, a family, a time and a place.

When I was little, my great grandmother and my great aunts were busy. They’d wash and hanging clothes on the line to dry in the sun, or cooking—my great grandmother still used a wood cook stove—even in the summer! They’d can the bounty from the garden, or were busy with their needlework. They belonged to quilting bees, and would sit around the quilting frame, chattering and stitching by hand. They cut out designs and patterns using pieces of old clothes, creating ripples of colors as the separate patches came together in a design. As we gather our turning point stories from our memories, we write vignettes in any order. Later they will be quilted together into a work of art.

Another guide on the journey is creating a timeline. After you list your turning point stories, plot them on a timeline that you create out of an 18×24 inch piece of paper. Your memoir will be composed of a couple of major themes from your life but you will no doubt want to write more stories than will end up in your memoir. Look at how your turning points cluster on the timeline –you might find new insights into your life as more memories surface. You can Xerox photos that go with the various turning points, and create a vision board, where you weave the colors and the images.

The more you write, the more you develop your turning points and the sensual details of your life, the more you will remember. And you will weave magic as you write your memoir.

The stuff of memories will be explored today on the Free National Association of Memoir Writers Free Roundtable with Sharon Lippincott, author and advisory board member. Sign up to get the audio!